haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
