just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
