so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
