dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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