We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
