I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
