Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
