Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
