TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
