Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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