i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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