I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i out mim tonsoeep
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize