This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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