We're facebook friends in real life
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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