dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
