i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
