sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
