I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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