I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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