I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
