Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
