ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
