If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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