You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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