I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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