I'm jealous of your bromance
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
