my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
