Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
