So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
