Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
