Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
