so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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