its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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