I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
