never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Couch. On fire.
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