Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize