so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
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They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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