Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were trust falling into bushes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize