On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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