i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
