I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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