The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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