He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
