i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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