Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
