NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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