update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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