Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
