um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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