A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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