Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
