So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
