there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
