i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
