You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
