i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
