Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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