I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
