I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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