Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
