he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my penis made a compromise with my morals
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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