Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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