my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
