They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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